Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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