Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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