at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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