No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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