I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
