just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
