at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
