im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
