he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
