:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
