when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
