just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
