Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
