even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
