I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
