I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
