Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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