Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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