I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
