I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.