my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.