Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.