dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it