so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude