So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
