but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
