ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
