i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
