my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
