DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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