just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dick very happy bro
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
