You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
