I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
