She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
