tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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