how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
