he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
