Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
