Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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