He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
