unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
