I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
