ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
