Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
