so that wasnt chicken after all
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
