Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
