When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
