I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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