Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
