I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
