Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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