if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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