Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
