Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
