The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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