Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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