Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
