And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
