Porn is love you can see.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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