Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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