Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize