I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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