I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
