ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
