reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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