Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
