nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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