i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
